


Tears of the Sea

by DarkTrappedDesire



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Friendship/Love, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 19:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2518499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkTrappedDesire/pseuds/DarkTrappedDesire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waiting can seem like forever, especially when it's for someone you love. Romano's been waiting for longer than most could handle, but he still hasn't given up. Get back soon, tomate bastardo... Bad summary is bad, but the story is good! Hint: lots of BL (boy love). Don't like, don't read. Major Spamano warning. Leave a comment and kudos if you liked it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears of the Sea

The child stood on the wooden boards, looking out at the horizon like he'd been doing for a month now. His dark cinnamon-mocha locks swayed to the side slightly, brushing against his cheeks and fluttering over his deep jade eyes that were fixed on one position.

Ever since a month ago, when his care-taker had left for a journey to the New World and said that he would be back soon, he'd come to stand on this dock nearly every night. He was very small, probably not even to the Spaniard's knees yet, and he just wished that the man would be back like he'd promised. Though on the outside he was cold and hot headed, the Spaniard was a soft-spot even if he would never admit it to the air itself.

He was the one person he felt safe with, knowing that with how loving and protective the older male was that no one could get to him. It nearly broke his little heart to hear that he was leaving, heading out with a group of honest man and pirates both in the mix for this expedition, but he encouraged himself that the tanned Spaniard would never lie to him. He'd never broken a promise before, and he wouldn't break one yet.

The cleaning dress that he wore got pushed back harshly by a gust of wind from one of the more out-going waves that the ocean threw at the pillars of the dock, but he kept strong. Staying there until every lantern on the path home was lit and the sky was dark, so he could no longer see the ship return.

* * *

 

_"Hola, mi corazon~ I've returned from work. Did you get the house clean?",came an accented voice, belonging to none other than a tall, built and tanned Spaniard, with his dark brown hair up into a ponytail. When there wasn't a reply he stepped in more, seeing that the place was messier than when he left. "Lovi?",he called out, going through the piles of things splayed around the room._

_Finally, he picked up a couple cushions to find the one he was looking for, napping contently with the scowl - that was usually on his face - gone. He let out a soft laugh, feeling a loving smile creep onto his face. "Lovi, it's time to wake up niño.",he cooed, picking up the little one and holding him as the small eyes twitched in their sleep, then slowly blinked open._

_"Oh, welcome back tomate bastardo.",came the sleepy reply, making the Spaniard let out a sigh. The child had never called him Antonio, or even Tony, but he knew that Lovino never meant the insults. It was just his sharp-tongue that he had no interest in controlling. There was a ton of good in the kid, you just had to know him for a while. And look past the multiple insults, horrifying excuses of cleaning, and laziness whenever you gave him a hard task._

_"Lovi, did you wreck the house again? I though I said you were supposed to clean it today, niño.",Antonio said gently, with a bright, warm smile on his face. He got a scowl in return and Lovino crossing his little arms over his chest, ruffling the pink dress that he had to wear when he cleaned - or attempted to._

_"I did clean, idiota. I-a organized things.",he spat at him, gesturing around the room to the large piles. Antonio took note of this, seeing that each pile had certain things in it, but all of them were a bit spread out into each other. "That-a one has all my-a stuff in it, that one has-a your stupido stuff, and that one is-a anything that I don't-a care about.",Lovino continued, Antonio seeing that the last pile was obviously the biggest._

_"Well.. That was very nice of you to organize things, Lovi~" "Don't-a call me that!" "Since you worked so hard, you deserve a nice dinner and some churros! Why don't you go wait in your room for me to finish?",Antonio suggested, for once getting a positive response out of the little one and the dressed child running up to his room._

_Antonio looked at each of the piles, then his eye caught something. Some of the things in the piles had fallen and rolled away an inch or two, but one thing was in the very center of the piles, laying face-down on the couch they owned. The Spaniard went over to pick it up, and flipped it over, seeing that it was a photograph of him and Lovi together - Lovi blushing as his 'Boss' tried to feed him a tomato._

_"Well, it's not in the 'I Don't Care' pile.",Antonio said to himself with a smirk, taking the picture and setting it up on top of a shelf, smiling at it with joy before he went to picking up Lovino's 'organization' and making the food he'd promised._

* * *

 

A child stood at the end of the dock, a hand placed on one of the poles so he wouldn't lose his balance and fall into the crashing waters below that continued churning relentlessly. The boy with cinnamon-mocha hair sighed softly, closing his jade eyes for a second as the air blew around him, lulling him slightly as he listened to the sounds of the ocean.

It had now been a year since Antonio had left him, and he was growing quickly as the days continued. He would now come up to Antonio's hips if the Spaniard were there to stand with him, and he felt proud of himself for growing up so much in the time he'd been on his own. He continued his work in their home, working on the tomato fields in the back yard as a source of food and also profit.

Antonio wasn't there to work for them anymore, and gardening being one of the few things he truly convinced himself that he could do well, he'd continued it as best as he could. He cared for the ferns for hours a day, only stopping to eat one or two that he'd picked or to try his hand at cleaning the home for his 'Boss's return, though most of the time creating a bigger mess that he would simply sweep away out of sight.

At least he tried, and that's what Antonio had told him time and time again - so he knew it was right. As long as he tried, it'd be fine. The thoughts of his care-taker made the back of Lovino's eyes prickle a bit, but the small Italian took a deep breathe and watched as the sun completely sank below the horizon.

"I-a won't cry. He promised he'd-a come back, and then he'll see how much-a I've grown and did while-a he was gone. He'll be so-a proud of me, he'll even take me-a with him next time.",Lovino swore, nodding to his thoughts and turning away slowly from the edge of the dock that was now like his second home.

* * *

 

_Lovino wandered around in the backyard of his home, the same home that he shared with his care-taker. Most of the time he was meant to be cleaning, but he'd come out here and tell Antonio that he was checking on the tomatoes so he wouldn't have to do it._

_As he was walking, there was rustling from the leaves of a bush slightly ahead of him, so he stopped with apprehension._

_**Intruder!**  He put his little hands into fists, though his knees were shaking from the thought of fighting anyone, and he was fully ready to turn and call for Antonio to protect their home for them. Though immediately after he would probably announce that the victory was his, since he sounded the alarm for them and distracted them._

_As he watched the rustling, a small squirrel came out of the bush, holding a nut in it's little cheeks and as Lovino breathed a sigh of relief, he suddenly got angry. "Your-a the squirrel bastard that-a peed on my bed!",he shouted, remembering when Antonio had awoken to him dragging his sheets to the washroom with pee on them, and then kept saying that he'd wet the bed - when he obviously hadn't!_

_Lovino charged after it, since the squirrel had started to scamper off from the volume of the child's yelling. The chase went on for a few short minutes, but with all the yelling and energy being used, one could think of it as half-an-hour. Finally, the squirrel scampered up a tree and Lovino glared at it from the ground, refusing to be out done. He pushed up the short sleeves of his cleaning dress and grabbed onto the bark, climbing up the tree slowly but steadily._

_The squirrel watched him climb after it, twitching it's tail at him as if teasing him, and he climbed faster as he got to the bottom branch of the tree that the squirrel was on. The branch was hanging above a wide creek, and it flowed fast, but he paid it no mind as he crawled on his hands and knees along the branch to reach the wretched creature that had given him so much grief._

_The rodent scampered back towards the peak of the branch every couple of seconds as Lovino approached it threateningly and they were nearing the end of the branch. The wooden limb dipped slightly under him and the rodent, but he kept going as he glared daggers at it. Finally, all he had to do was reach out his arm and he's be able to grab the squirrel, with it having nowhere else to go on their branch - but life loved to screw with him, so the squirrel turned and leaped, only for Lovino to find out it was a flying squirrel and it had landed safely on the other side of the creek._

_Lovino was about to curse at it, but it turned into a yell as the branch cracked and dipped drastically, him tipping over and grabbing onto one of the smaller limbs coming from it and dangling over the creek. He yelled again, thinking of all the ways it could be the end for him, and then he heard a yell that wasn't his own._

_As he peaked past the ruffles in his cleaning dress, he made out a tall, tanned figure running in his direction and never felt so grateful to be caught off the job. The older called out his name and he was about to tell him that he was alright, when the branch snapped completely and he was free-falling._

_The sharper edges of the fronds slashed the sides of his arm as it was snapped and he felt pain, but it was swiftly ignored as he saw the water getting closer and Anotino's voice getting louder. "Antoni-!",he was cut off as he was surrounded by water and it invaded his open-mouth, sputtering and trying to find some source of pure air, but all around him it was dark and then he felt something crash into his side, knocking out what little he'd had left - and his eyes closed._

_With a groan, big jade eyes opened and tried to figure out where he was. Surely it wasn't heaven, he was still in pain and felt sore nearly all over. Especially his left side, and most of his chest._

_**Oh no.. I can't be in Hell! I was a good kid! I cussed a lot and didn't ever really thank people, or apologize for anything, and I always screw things up - but I'm a good fucking kid!** _

_Lovino groaned again, trying to sit up and call out to someone when he felt a hand push him back down gently. When he looked, it was a relieved looking Spaniard, with his hair in a mess and so were his clothes. Not only that, but for once he wasn't smiling like an idiot, or telling him how cute he was._

_"Lovino, what were you doing up there?",Antonio demanded, looking down at him with a small frown. Lovino was trying to put the words together, but his care-taker didn't give him enough time. It almost stung him when he realized, Antonio hadn't call him Lovi, or even niño, like he usually does. He's never called him by his full name, and it almost hurt for some reason. "Lovino, you knew you could have gotten hurt up there and look what happened. You got hurt. If I hadn't gotten there when I did you could have died! Died! Do you understand that!?",Antonio ranted, not giving Lovino any time to think as his words picked up._

_"When you die, you can't come back Lovino. Understand? If I lost you, I could never get you back again! Do you want that!?" The shouting continued and Lovino was surprisingly silent throughout the whole thing, his wide eyes watching his care-taker intensely the whole time._

_It was the first time he'd seen Antonio frown, the first time he'd heard Antonio raise his voice. It was also the first time he'd seen him cry._

* * *

 

A head of cinnamon-mocha hair stood at the edge of the docks, looking blankly ahead of himself at the dark clouds that drifted across the sky as time passed and the ocean was more calm than it had ever been. The old cleaning dress he'd used to wear, was now exchanged for loose brown pants, an equally loose white shirt that usually had dirt smudges on it from gardening, and a pair of working boots that were shined with a red, white and green vertical-stripe cloth. Instead of a faraway, hopeful glance being passed at the horizon, this time it held doubt. It wasn't the first time that it had looked like this, but it was becoming more frequent.

Antonio had been gone for 6 years now, leaving a grown teen where there was once a bouncing - even if he was scowling - child. Now, Lovino was a good height and looked rather toned from working on the tomato fields, along with trying his hand at making foods - which he'd discovered he was also fairly good at, once he got passed the point of clumsily dropping some of the ingredients the first time. He'd probably reach Antonio's chest, but the man still was nowhere in sight for him to check.

Lovino had kept coming every day, even 3 months ago when he'd finally started to have doubts about Antonio coming back for him. The first doubt he'd had was one night when it was extremely stormy, and looked like any ship out there would be crushed by a single wave. It terrified him, honestly, to think of Antonio and his friends being caught in something like this and how the man could have already been taken by such a fate.

But then the spark of his childhood came back, and he remembered how strong his care-taker was, even if he was a bit too bashful at some times. He was hardy and could take anything the sea threw at him. He'd probably even saved a couple of his friends from such a fate on occasion - was what Lovino had decided.

The second doubt was 2 months ago, when there was a raid on the opposite side of town and some of the houses even got burned down. It didn't effect Lovino much, seeing as he was mostly an outsider to everyone in town and he didn't know the people otherwise - but once he got to the dock that night, it made him think.

_What if when they got to the new world.. There were natives, and they took him hostage? They could be savage and kill him just for coming along on the adventure. He's too sweet to try and kill any of them back.. He might not have even gotten there from the ship. It could have been taken down by pirates! There was some pirate members on the crew when they left, yes, but there are always worse people wandering around.._

This thought terrified him more than the first one, seeing as it was completely unknown to him what could happen on the open ocean, or on a foreign land. He'd only ever been with his brother and Grandpa before he was with Antonio, and even then he didn't have to go very far to get here. The world was a mystery to him, and without his caretaker to come for him, he doubted he would ever truly see it.

The Italian had pushed the thought away as best he could. If the ship was taken down, then there would have been news of it at some point. Even with technology as dis-advanced as it is, news still finds a way to travel fast. He let that comfort him for the time-being and pushed away the terrible thoughts.

At the moment, this was the third time he'd come to doubt Antonio keeping his promise. Today was a day to celebrate being with your beloved, and making them feel special. Because of this, every couple was out and about that day, making him feel like the odd one out and stayed in the garden to keep away from the lovey-dovey people that would surely bug him.

Now that he was at the place he loved to be ever since he was so small, he couldn't stop thinking about all of the happy faces he'd seen on the couples going by, all of them looking like they had heaven in their hands.

At one point, he thought that maybe he could make Antonio look like that - that happy, that lively, that emotional and caring. But now, all he could think of was if Antonio had already found someone who made him feel like that. It would make sense, why Antonio hadn't come home would be because he found a beautiful woman that he could love and cherish, they could be together and have a family and grow old together, and Lovino would be nothing but a memory.

It truly made more sense than Lovino would like to admit. Antonio couldn't see how much he'd grown and worked and slaved to get where he was now, and all he remembered was a tiny pest that didn't do as he was told, called him nothing but insults since the day they met, ate his food and took him for granted, and was so bad at everything that when he did try to help the whole house would practically burn down.

As Lovino's mind kept racing, his eyes began to sting more and more until there were tears at the corners of his eyes and he suddenly felt vacant. "No. I'm a man now, and Antonio didn't raise a cry baby.. I refuse to cry.",Lovino decided, forcing them back as much as he could.

 _Antonio.. I miss you, where ever you are. I hope your happy, and with someone who deserves you more than I ever did._  With that, one tears slid down his cheek, disappearing among the calm and gentle waves ebbing underneath the dock, and he turned away from it.

* * *

 

_Antonio came through the door to the home he shared, and sighed silently as he ran a hand through his hair. As he took a couple paces inside, he noticed that things didn't look destroyed that day and he felt proud of Lovino. Thinking of him, he wondered where his niño was. "Lovi?",he called, walking around and going out the back door to see Lovino sitting on the back porch and munching on a tomato that he'd taken from a bowl of them they'd picked together the day before._

_"Ah, there you are niño.",he hummed, going to sit next to him as he picked up a tomato and ate it along with him. "Ciao, tomate bastardo.",Lovino grumbled back to him, focusing on his tomato like it meant the world if he finished it._

_Antonio just laughed at the usual greeting and they ate in silence for a moment. The Spaniard glanced over at Lovino, seeing him turning over the tomatoes to look for the best one that was left in the basket. Suddenly, Antonio's smile faded and he hummed again, but this time sadly._

_This got the kid's attention, his jade eyes looking up at the man next to him like he'd done something completely alien. It was true though, he hadn't acted sad or upset since the incident where Lovino fell into the creek from that tree branch and it had been a while ago._

_"What's-a wrong, idiota?",Lovino asked quickly, looking back down at the fruit in his attempt to look like he didn't actually care. There was silence in response, so he dropped the act a bit and looked back up, seeing Antonio watching him with an expression he hadn't seen on the man before._

_"Lovi, you know I care about you, si?",Antonio asked, instead of answering his questions. Lovino looked at him in surprise and put on a scowl, sitting down again with his arms crossed._

_"As much as it-a bugs me, si I do.",Lovino replied, hearing a broken laugh from the older. "Lovi.. I know you can take care of yourself. I have faith that you could manage things on your own, as much as you don't like doing them.",Antonio announced, forcing Lovino's gaze on him once more._

_"What are-a you talking about, bastardo?",he asked softly, knowing that he'd never seen the Spaniard so out of it. This was nothing like the person he knew and that took care of him. It was almost a shell of that person, a cracked one._

_Antonio picked Lovino up and placed him in his lap so they were close to each other and took a deep breathe. "Lovi, I got picked to be on a crew for the New World. They all expect me to go with them, and I had to agree with them, but.. I'll have to leave you here, niño.",Antonio said, frowning sadly as he tried to explain to the child._

_Lovino's eyes widened and he looked almost hurt, like when Antonio had seriously scolded him for the first time and yelled at him to go to his room with no dinner for the night. "What.. Wh-what are-a you talking about, stupido? You can't-a just up and leave me here! That's-a selfish!",Lovino protested, his hands in little fists._

_Antonio looked worse off in the situation, and sighed sadly as he hugged Lovino to his chest, with the little one feebly protesting. "Lo siento.. I promise that I'll be back as soon as I can. The Earth stopping couldn't make me not come back to my Lovinito~",Antonio announced, smiling slightly as he pressed his face into Lovino's hair and the little one finally stopped struggling - knowing that it was a lost battle._

_"Bastard.. Just-a make sure that you don't get your-a butt kicked by a nasty pirate! I-a need you in tip-top shape to make it-a up to me when you get back.",Lovino announced, trying to sound strong as he unconsciously curled his hands into Antonio's shirt and small tears made their way to his eyes as he imagined being all by himself._

_The Spaniard erased his fear as he held him closer and breathed a laugh passed the cinnamon-mocha locks on the child's head. "I promise, mi corazon. I'll come back and we'll eat tons of tomatoes, and I'll make you churros and pizza and all that good stuff! I'll be back before you can miss me, niño.",Antonio vowed, lulling Lovino to sleep in his arms as he whispered sweet promises of the future._

_**I'll miss you.. Antonio bastard.** _

* * *

 

Lovino shivered silently on his knees, hunched over on himself as the only sound that could be heard was his sobbing. It was the first time he truly cried since Antonio had left 7 years ago. Every day he had come to this dock and waited for him to come home, even after he had decided that Antonio had a new, better life somewhere else with a beautiful sweetheart and was happily raising some children that would be more wonderful than even his own brother was, the perfect child.

There was a bigger reason for his sobs and it lay with the poster he'd ripped from the message board in town that gave news of the outside world to them. On the poster it stated, 'The expedition ship,  _Clavel de La March Real_  was found wrecked on the coast of Europe with only half the crew found, none living. The whereabouts of the rest of the crew is unknown, and there is a search going on. Nothing has been found as of yet, and the search will be abandoned in a matter of 4 days.'

That gave Lovino a 50/50 chance of Antonio being alive, but none of the crew was even identified. With Lovino's horrible luck, Antonio will be the one person never found and he'll spend his whole life wondering if all of his sorrow was for nothing, and he really should have just given up years ago. He was worthless to the man anyway, so when he got back what did he expect to happen? Him to run to him with open arms and tell him he'd missed him since the day he'd left? Hold him and tell him that there wasn't a single day that went by that he didn't think about him?

No, those were things Lovino would probably do, not Antonio. He'd come back here with his sweetheart and through out the hopeless house-keeper he'd left behind to make sure everything was perfect for when he brought her back to life until they grew old. Lovino would never hold a place in Antonio's heart as much as he wished for it, and now he didn't even have a chance. Antonio was gone, he knew it and he couldn't stand it.

He wiped his eyes futilely and scowled at the waves that danced without a care in the world for his pain. "I should have just not woken up the first time. Then Antonio could have left and had nothing to worry about, wondering if I burned his house down yet or got killed for mouthing off to the wrong person. Him and his girlfriend, may they rest in peace, would be happier if I wasn't here to bother them.",he sniffled to himself, standing up on the edge of the dock and looking out like he'd done for so many years.

Every memory of the time he'd fallen from that tree came to his mind, replaying as he took his last pure breathes. The terror, the fall, Antonio yelling for him.. He could almost hear him calling out to him again and he smiled, letting himself fall for the illusion one last time as he tipped forward and let himself crash into the water waiting for him. The illusion was so real, he could almost imagine Antonio's figure running towards him again, a look of caring and concern on his face as he wished for his niño to be alright.

He felt himself crash into something, most likely the pillar that held up the dock, and he happily let the air be forced out of him just like the last time he'd seen how much Antonio truly cared - and the last time he would gladly hold in his heart.

Breathes were heard, probably his own, which bothered him. Didn't he just commit suicide? He just threw himself into the ocean and drowned, he knew he did. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense, seeing as his hand for some reason felt wet.

It still bothered him that he could hear his breathing, and he slowly became aware of other noises as well. Sobbing. That's the first thing that came to mind once he started to gain his hearing again, and was slightly annoyed but understood.

_Right, I'm dead. Of course there would be sobbing where ever you go. Someone had to care for the people who got sent up here when they didn't deserve it._

Lovino grunted softly, hearing the sobbing hitch for a second and then a voice to go along with it. "Lovinito.. I missed you so, so much. Please don't do this, I finally got you back, mi alma. I don't want to lose you now..",came a deep, accented voice that he swore he'd heard years ago, but passed it off to his imagination.

_No, he couldn't be here.. Could he?_

Lovino swallowed a lump in his throat, and his eyelids twitched as he tried to open them - each of them feeling like they had weights to keep them shut - but he tried again. This time his eyes flickered softly and he scrunched his face slightly as he forced them to open fully, taking in where he was.

He was back in his home, in his room, in his bed, where he'd been sleeping each night in hopes of Antonio coming to join him once he got back from the expedition and they could be together like how they were when he was little. Next to his bed, was a tall Spaniard, who'd grown and matured more since the last time he'd seen him - who was holding his hand and had his forehead pressed to it, letting tears fall onto the back of it.

"So, that's-a why my hand feels wet..",he mumbled, seeing the man before him gasp and turn to look at the injured other who now was looking at him with a tired grimace. "Lovi! You finally woke up! I was so worried, I thought you were going to leave me.",Antonio sobbed, holding his hand tighter and pressing a kiss onto the his fingers - which made Lovino blush.

"Bastard.. What are-a you crying for? I-a thought you would-a be happy to see me gone.",Lovino rasped out, his voice being a bit scratchy and his throat trying to choke all the words back from it being sore. Antonio frowned and leaned forward, pulling up Lovino so they could be pressed together in a hug and the darker man pressed his face into the crook of Lovino's neck.

"Why would I be happy, when the only one I wished to see again almost died in front of my eyes?",Antonio muttered, making Lovino tense up.  _So it wasn't only me. He wanted to see me too, he missed me.. He didn't forget about me._

Lovino could feel tears come into his vision and he huffed, acting like they weren't there. "What-a took you so long to get back? You-a said you'd be back soon, bastard, I waited for-a you to come home.",Lovino admitted, as much as he didn't want to now that he was faced with the man that unconsciously broke his heart.

"Lovi, lo siento. When we got to the New World, we had to do much exploring and work to build a new town, and dealing with the Natives. They were cooperative enough, but it took a long while since we couldn't understand them in the slightest - you understand, don't you Lovi? I would have been on the first ship back, but there was so much to do and they kept putting me in charge of things.. I couldn't turn them down, you know that.",Antonio babbled, feeling worse than ever now that he admitted it was his own downfall that kept him away for so long.

The Spaniard had pulled back to look Lovino in the eyes as he explained, hoping to show Lovino how it was the truth and he was really sorry - seeing the tears coming into his little one's eyes. "I don't-a care if your sorry, bastard..",he announced, seeing the hurt look in Antonio's eyes before he leaned forward quickly and hugged him with all the strength he could manage, the tears now flowing down his cheeks as he smiled warmly for the first time in a long time, and he let his head rest on Antonio's shoulder to hide it.

"Ho ancora sei mancato ogni giorno. Ti amo.",Lovino sobbed, feeling Antonio relax into his arms and press back, whispering sweet nothings in his ear to calm down the tears that were slowly soaked his shirt, though as long as they were from the one he held close to him, he didn't care at all.

The sea had finally brought him home again.


End file.
